Category: Personal Development

I recently shared that my coaching journey started by looking inward, stepping into the unknown and listening to the cues and to my inner knowing.

What I didn’t say is that even coaching in itself was unknown. I had an idea of what it was but didn’t really know what I was putting myself into. I did expect to learn how to coach others to help them achieve what they want or become better or more performant. What I didn’t expect was to work on myself and get that increased awareness of my own life and experience as a human being.

My relationship to coaching has evolved from

– “I don’t need a coach, I don’t need anyone to tell me how to run my life which is already great by the way !” (that was my “I’m stronger than that” self-defense reaction more than 10 years ago, not understanding what coaching was),

– to a process and some skills that can be learned,

– to a broader thing at the intersection of ontology (study of being), psychology, philosophy, and productivity (in the sense of intentionally producing what we want in our life and not only have interesting conversations), that is in part supported by Science, is an Art in the way it is crafted and mastered, and can create some Magic.

Just like the fish doesn’t know that something else exists other than the water its is in, most of us don’t know what is available outside of what we see, would we take the time to slow down, notice our experience of life, explore what we really want, and commit to it.

Coaching helps us see the world outside of our own water.

Coaching, and actually Life, are about both:

Awareness and Action

Process and Outcome

Journey and Destination

Achievement and the Experience while achieving

Bigger LIFE and daily life

Big Dreams and tiny steps

Future and Present

Movement and Stillness

Doing and Being

Wanting more And being Content

The thing and our relationship to the thing

Being on the way and Getting out of the way

Breakdowns and Breakthroughs

Rigor and Love

Commitment and Non Attachment

Pushing through and Surrendering

What is and What could be

And in the end, it’s about POSSIBILITY and CHOICE.

If anything resonates with you, here are 3 ways we can explore YOUR Possibilities:

– 1 on 1 coaching (this starts with a complimentary connection and exploration call)

– High and Deep (https://evanbernache.com/high-and-deep-your-unknown-quest/): this experiential and transformational journey (hiking and coaching for 4 days in the beautiful mountains) is a great opportunity to take some time to slow down, reflect, and plant the seeds for what’s next. Next session will take place from June 22nd to June 25th and we have a few spots available.

– La Vague (https://emmydruesne.com/lavague/): a group coaching program for coaches and leaders interested in the coaching approach that combines personal development, coaching practice with live feedback, and personal or professional projects development to enhance one’s impact. The next cohort starts in September.

– Power Tools for Living workshop (https://www.eventbrite.com/…/power-tools-for-living…): a 3h workshop to get present to your essential nature, your life purpose and create the next year of your life

Standing for you with love and rigor,

Take care,

I often tend to relate to the current journey I am on as accidental and lucky (I’m very grateful with the path I have taken), because in a nutshell, I had the opportunity to quit my job in 2015 to follow my wife going into a new position in the US, and to reinvent myself over there. It didn’t require me to take the bold step to quit my job with no safety net, I didn’t have to overcome any big pain or obstacle and although it might appear as brave to quit a job and move to a different country with 3 kids, it didn’t feel this way to me. It felt exciting, and fulfilled my desire for newness and adventure. I feel like I “just” followed a natural, organic path.

But as I reflect on it, I can distinguish 3 main elements that contributed to having me find my current path:

• Looking inward

One day in 2012, I was wandering in a book shop and I felt like buying “Plaidoyer pour le Bonheur” a book about Happiness from Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard, and “Méditer jour après jour”, a book about meditation from psychotherapeutist Christophe André. I can’t tell why I went for these book but I think I just followed an intuitive calling, an inner feeling that I needed this. We just had had our 3^rd boy and life was starting to feel a little bit hectic, and I was in an unconscious search of some inner peace. That was the first time I started to look inward, explore my inner world and, in a way, my first steps into personal development. That’s what led me to take an in person meditation course in 2015 before moving to the US. And, as a synchronicity, that’s what led me to my current career because my meditation teacher sent a video a year later that had me choose my new path.

• The willingness to step into the unknown without having the answers, open to possibilities

In his book “Transitions”, William Bridges identifies 3 parts in any transition: the ending of something, then a neutral, empty phase that can be uncomfortable, and the beginning of something new. I believe that accepting to quit my job and step into this new adventure without knowing where it would lead me, not rushing for an answer right away but allowing time and space for exploration, created the conditions for my new chapter to unfold.

• Listening to the cues and trusting my inner knowing
  • I did listen to the cues of my inner feelings and trusted my intuition when I purchased these books on meditation and happiness.
  • When I quit my job, I did listen to the cue of this opportunity to take a leap, trusting my inner knowing that, although I had a great life, there was more to it, that on the other side of status quo was something more exciting even though I couldn’t put my finger on it.
  • I did trust my inner knowing when one day, as I was exploring different options for my next chapter, I watched a video that my meditation teacher had sent to his email list, and something clicked inside me. In that moment, I knew I wanted to switch from product development to people development. I engaged into this journey and never looked back. Even during the first challenging years, I never considered quitting and always had faith that I would make it, when a lot of new coaches fall into resignation and quit.

Since then, it’s been a journey of Expansion, Creation and Inspiration. It feels as though my path that was narrow and one dimension ahead, opened up to 180°, and with that came the awareness that there is so much more that’s possible outside of what I currently see.

And that’s what I wish for you. Not to take the same path, we all have a different path to take. But to listen to the cues that life may be sending you and to be willing to move forward without necessarily knowing how this will unfold in the end. No matter where you are in life, there is more to it than you can see. More meaning, more fulfillment, more freedom, more inspiration, more fun, are available if you dare to pause, be quiet and look inward, listen to what life whispers to you, trust your inner knowing, and dare take the risk to step into the unknown. Because from there new possibilities arise, that you couldn’t imagine before. And from there, Life is lived.

If this resonates with you, if you feel that something different and inspiring may be waiting for you, that there is more to life, here are some ways you can explore this with me:

• 1 on 1 coaching (this starts with a complimentary connection call to explore what you might be looking for)
• High and Deep: this experiential and transformational journey (hiking and coaching for 4 days in the beautiful mountains) is a great opportunity to take some time to slow down, reflect, and plant the seeds for what’s next. Next session is from June 22^nd to June 25^th.

Take care,

I have been quite silent in 2022, mainly for 2 reasons.

The first one was intentional, I chose to focus on growing my business as well as creating new programs. These were my main goals for the year and the rest, including writing, was left aside.

The second one was less intentional and more driven from my survival mechanism of wanting things to be perfectly written, making perfect sense, before they could be sent. So the rare times when I felt like sharing simple things, I got stuck in this perfectionism and because I chose not to spend time on this, I just didn’t follow through.

The results are :

• I hit all my goals, made my best year and I created 2 new super exciting programs with 2 amazing partners:
  • High and Deep: an inspiring hiking and coaching journey in the mountains with Michael (some pictures HERE and More information here). We are preparing the next edition for later this year, so if that resonates with you, let’s talk about it. 
  • La Vague: a transformational group coaching program for coaches and leaders with Emmy (more info here: La vague). We just completed our 1^st cohort and are also working on the next one.
  • Both these programs got very positive feedback which makes be very grateful and proud.
• I also developed very interesting new  connections and, on the personal side, I grew my relationship with my wife and my kids, I took some improv classes (to practice working in the unknown, mess up and be creative), as well as some breakdance lessons with one of my sons and his friend (pretty fun and also the realization that I am aging and these moves can be physically pretty tough to make 😊), and I started to train for triathlon again.
• But I also missed writing and sharing

So, in 2023, my commitment is to practice writing again.

My breakthrough for the coming year will be in VOICE. I want to practice using my voice more, through public speaking and by sharing more with you and in social media.

Part of it will be to play with the word INSPIRATION, which is my life purpose (in the ontological way): be inspired and inspire.

So, my first question to you will be: what would change in 2023 if you came from a place of inspiration, whatever that means or looks like for you? What would there be more of ? What would there be less of ? Would your goals be the same ?

I wish you an inspirational year !

With Love,

Evan

Usually, when something as disrupting as the Russian invasion of Ukraine, or before that covid, my automatic is to take a step back, to retreat in my (over)thinking, my feelings, my experience, not knowing what to do, what to say, just observing. Then, when I have processed, I come back to the surface.

This post is me coming back to the surface and my intention is to bring it through the lens of sharing my thought process, with the hope that it may resonate one way or another with some of you, not through the lens of this is what to do.

When Russia invaded Ukraine and started a war, my first reaction was to question everything I was doing in my work as a coach, which is primarily to invite myself and my clients in a world of possibilities, to create the life they truly desire, the leadership that would have a bigger impact, the relationship that would fulfill them, and anything more than the status-quo. But suddenly, this became meaningless : what’s the point when a country is being destroyed next door?

Many questions were going (and are still going) on my mind: should I continue to post as usual, as if nothing is happening ? How come we are more concerned now than with what’s been happening elsewhere in the world for years (on this one, I guess the proximity makes sense, we get more affected when close (geographically, culturally, etc…) people are impacted than when more distant people are impacted, and there is probably the fear of being more directly impacted if we are honest), should I speak up, should I support, what’s the right thing to say, what’s the right thing to do ?

I started to consider the idea of accommodating refugees but although I felt the desire to do so, I noticed some resistance to make the final leap. It’s not a bog deal to just have people at your home right?  But my automatics came into play, the fear of the unknown and of not being in control  (how is it going to go, for how long, in which state will these people be, etc…).

I brought that to my coach to explore, without trying to fix, just to be able to distinguish and choose.

I distinguished that all these thoughts were inside a right / wrong context (is it right to speak-up and wrong not to, is it right or wrong to continue one’s life/business as usual? ) and an either / or context (either it’s right, either it’s wrong).

I noticed my usual overthinking pattern that is showing up everywhere, trying to imagine how everything can go, trying to manage and control, wanting to know how everything will go before deciding, etc… Nothing wrong with this pattern, it had me become successful in my life so far… and it is also getting in my way to grow to the next level, to bring more possibilities to life.

Reflecting on that, I felt drawn to move forward with accommodating refugees, I saw in this a breakthrough in trust and in relationships, stepping into the unknown. So I chose, not from guilt but from empowering what I was feeling, to just take action, and see from there, rather than spend more time trying to imagine and predict. My wife was already ready, so we signed-up and welcomed a mum and her 3 daughters into our home. Not because it is right and you are wrong if you don’t do it, just because it felt like the next step for me/us in this place, in this moment.

In the 2 weeks they have been with us, I (re)learned to communicate with a mix of gestures, mimes, tone of voice and google translate, with the sometimes awkward, sometimes funny moments of not understanding each other (only the teenage girls speak a little English). I witnessed my 3 boys being so graceful in this experience, being surprisingly at ease with this despite the fact that 2 of them let their room and the 3 of them are packed on some mattresses in the same room, playing ping-pong, doing magic tricks and sharing Instagram contact info 😊. Different from the usual brothers fights/arguments that were running most of their days. And I witnessed this brave family just moving forward however they can with what they have, not knowing how the future will unfold for them.

What I get from all this is to BE, BE WITH and BE IN ACTION.

BE in my essence, coming from compassion, curiosity and harmony, rather than fear, judgments, survival mechanism,  right/wrong, etc…

BE WITH “BOTH AND” rather than “EITHER/OR”. BE WITH the sadness, anger, unfairness that come from that war AND the energy and momentum I am feeling in my life and business, the possibilities that still exist for me, my clients, and the world. Embracing the complexity of the world and its humanity, outside of Black or White. Like on the picture I took this week, the sun goes down leaving us at dark for a while AND in the meantime, the buds are about to blossom at the front.

BEING IN ACTION, aligned with who I am, who I want to be, not from judgment and guilt, but from possibilities and essence.

The Ukrainian family is likely to leave next week into a place they found to rent. How will I/we move forward from there, I don’t know. The same questions and thoughts will probably show-up again. And it’s OK.

SELF-AWARENESS and doing my own work is where I choose to start, trusting that with it the next step will unfold naturally, aligned with who I am and who I want to be in the world.

With Compassion and Faith,

My Why, my What for, my Word in the box, to which everything boils down, and that I commit to embody is INSPIRATION.

To me, Inspiration encompasses the following elements:

• Generating a Spark out of possibilities (an awareness, an insight, an idea, an aspiration, a commitment, a dream, a life purpose, or just the next tiny step,…)
• Inviting Action and giving Momentum to transform this spark into reality
• Encouraging and Being a stand all along the way and in the face of fear and adversity

 I printed this word, and I added the 2 ways arrows because Inspiration is a two ways commitment: to inspire others, we first need to be inspired.

And although inspiration can come on its own, being inspired is also a choice. I have become more present lately to the fact that I could choose to be inspired despite the circumstances and despite my mood.

Here are some ways to not be inspired

• Being at the effect of circumstances
• Not empowering decisions
• Thinking that what we do is “the right way” (aka better than others)
• Envying those who have more success
• Listening to agree or disagree rather than listening for an insight
• Being skeptical (I’m not sure)
• Being cynical (this is bullshit)
• Being too attached
• Falling into resignation
• Not taking care of ourselves and our well-being
• Being overwhelmed
• Not loving ourselves
• Not believing in ourselves
• Not trusting ourselves

Here are some ways to not inspire others

• Not being inspired ourselves (see above)
• Being out of integrity (thoughts, words and actions not aligned)
• Not being vulnerable
• Pretending we have it all figured out
• Not being responsible for our impact
• Denying our humanity
• Not being a stand for them
• Not challenging them
• Not caring for them
• Not believing in them
• Not trusting them

If you choose to be inspired by this post, what insight will you get for yourself?

What would shift if you committed to inspiration, both ways, on a daily basis?

Take care,
 

Evan

• 

Here are some various, different and sometimes contradictory quotes I have read about leadership over time:

• Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality
• Leadership is to exercise initiative and influence
• Leadership is to create more leaders, not more followers.
• Leadership is not measurable, followership is à evaluate leadership through the measure of followership
• Leadership is to go first.
• Leadership is to put the best ahead and go last to make sure no one is left behind
• Leadership is about unlearning management and re-learning being Human
• leadership is a choice, not a position
• Leadership is everybody’s business
• Leadership is communicating to people their worth and potential so clearly that they come to see it in themselves.
• Leadership is the enabling art
• Servant leadership is to set up the conditions of empowerment and then to get out of people’s way, clear their path and become a source of help as requested.

What if, as my friend Adam Quiney put it recently, Leadership was not a way to be, but the possibility of all ways of being?

What would that make available in your own role and your own life?

Take care,